Does it get easier? I would guess no, but more rewarding? Definitely.

Just as I'm used to having an infant, V is on the cusp of crawling.  And my life is once again about to change.  I try not to compare her development to other kids b/c when I did, I found it exhausting.  I was constantly worried about what she was or wasn't accomplishing, whether or not she was reaching for her toys, smiling when she was supposed to, turning her head at various sounds, and the list goes on and on.  So, I made a decision to just let her be a baby and enjoy her.  Now I'm finding myself struggling with the same issues I had when I first had her.  She's so much more alert.  She takes in the world around her and now I constantly question myself if I'm doing enough for her.  Am I hindering her development b/c I don't read enough to her, don't have enough toys for her, don't spend enough time with her, she doesn't get enough tummy time, or she doesn't practice her sitting enough?  In a weird sad way, day care has been my saving grace b/c I feel that there she gets the social interaction and other developmental help that I may not provide for her b/c of my lack of knowledge of what to provide.  Motherhood really doesn't come with instructions, and it's the most complicated, non stop job I've ever had.   But I don't want to sound that I don't absolutely love it.   I do.  My life is forever changed by this little girl, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else.  Her smell, her sounds, her laugh, and even her cries are more precious to me than anything else I've ever encountered.

Croup, aka there's a large, alpha male sea lion living in my child's chest.

First of all, I have a question.  Is it croup or the croup, kinda like the flu?  Anyone know?  I've heard it referred to as both and I need to get it straight.   Since I'm new to childhood diseases, I've never had to deal with this lovely ailment and not knowing the correct terminology is driving me nuts.  I stumble over my words every time I talk about it b/c I don't know if I'm saying it correctly.  So far I've gone with both, but I must get to the bottom of this.  So, if anyone has any knowledge on the matter, please do share.

Gross - I know...

So, on to the story.  V has (the)croup.  Well, had it.  She seems to have kicked out the sea lion and now just the excessive, lovely mucus is left.  The mucus has taken over, sort of like the Mucinex commercials, which really gross me out, but apparently, the master mind behind them had at one point had (the)croup.  Being upright for a matter of minutes produces a river of snot that permeates from her little nose like a tiny little waterfall.  It's not a pretty sight. 

This all started Friday night.  By Saturday night, when the sea lion moved in circa 9:00 pm, we were calling the after hours line at the dr's office and I was ready to pack up and go to the emergency room due to the sounds coming out of my sweet little girl.  The night nurse assured me it was not life threatening and to give her continual HOT steam baths for 15-20 minutes at a time.  She said to do this as much as needed and so for the past 3 days, V has received three of these a day.  This is not pretty on Mommy's back, but I'm taking one for Team V's lungs.  I'm putting this on her list...

In addition to the excessive snot, the girl has been extremely clingy.  For the past FOUR nights now she has slept in bed with me and last night, we even kicked Daddy out b/c, well.. he snores.  I can typically handle this, but my nerves were on edge with having a 15 pound child asleep on top of me for four nights and any sleep I was able to catch was being interrupted by rattling sounds.  So he got the boot.  V was also so restless and so she too got the boot last night at 5 am.  Daddy got the green light to return and V slept in her bed from 5 to 8 am.  Hallelujah!!!!  So, tonight is a new night, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she stays put in her own bed. 

In conclusion, I would like to say something to (the)croup.  (The)croup, thank you for visiting.  I hope you enjoyed your stay.  Sadly, I don't think it's going to work out between us. It's not you - it's me.  Take care of yourself.  J-Mom. 

Wisdom from Patti - Millionaire Matchmaker

I have a confession.  My guilty pleasure is reality TV/any and all Hollywood gossip.  Yes - I hang my head in shame admitting this and am looking into an addiction recovery group to curb this.  But, in the mean time, I picked up a little bit of wisdom from Miss Pattie - the Millionaire Matchmaker. 

So, in watching said reality show, Pattie is coaching one of her millionaires on chivalry.  She has an ettiquette coach and says to him that men have their roles and women have theirs and that if you cross the boundaries, you'll end up with a son rather than a husband!  HOW TRUE!  I'm all for strong independent women and am VERY strong willed and opinionated, etc etc etc.  But, I totally agree that chivalry should not be dead and a man should be a man! Step up and take care of your woman, whether that means opening her doors, ordering her meals at a restaurant, or being a strong shoulder to stand behind.  We don't have enough men around anymore.  I mean real men! From my dating days the bulk of the male population are needy boys who want a replacement for their mom rather than a partner.  And in a way, maybe this has forced women over the years to take over.  Because we've gotten tired of waiting to get things done so we just do it ourselves and end up either alone or with boys.

So, if I ever have a son, my goal in raising him will be to raise a man.  A man whose future wife will someday thank me for raising her a man and not a boy.  And all in all, we're made man and woman for a reason and there's something still so wonderful in being taken care of as a woman.  I think this would ring true for most woman out there, be it CEO's, attorney's, professionals, teachers, mothers, etc. 

And in conclustion - I can hear the "men" on the show referring to themselves in 3rd person and overall treating their dates like they should be falling all over themselves b/c they're priveleged to be on a date with these "millionaires."  Pattie says, "Women want gentlemen, not trash talking a**holes."  Wise words sista! (I know, I know, this isn't classical english literature type stuff, but still solid.")  I look at these "men" and shake my head, but yet continue to watch.. Addiction - it aint pretty.

V - 1, Mommy - 0 or The Night I Broke

I am a big believer in discipline and independence. I grew up in a relatively strict, okay, who am I kidding, very strict home, and all in all, I think I was better for it. It kept me out of trouble and I think all in all I turned out okay. So in raising V, for her particular age group now, I adhere to bed times, crying it out (within reason of course), and sleeping in her own bed. Well, all that got thrown out the window this past Friday night.

V won -sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed

V woke up with a mild runny nose on Friday. I sent her to daycare and by the time I picked her up, she had a full blown cough, so much so, that the daycare teachers told me she her nose had been running bad all day and she was generally fussy. Ok – we’ve been through this before. This isn’t this girl’s first rodeo in the cold department. Out came the saline drops and the aspirator and for the most part, we seemed to have it under control. I should also mention that typically, V is a very good sleeper. She’s been sleeping through the night since she was just over 2 months old, and I don’t mean the technically speaking “sleeping through the night” which is a measly 6 hours. I mean, SLEEPING through the night. Anywhere from 10 to 12 hours. Even when she was sick last. Girl needs her rest – she takes after her mommy.. So, we aspirated, took our warm bath, and off to bed we went. Well, about 9 pm, (bedtime is b/w 7 and 7:30), I hear cries of distress from the monitor. Now, I know I’m all for crying it out, but all the moms will attest that you can tell a cry that needs to be tended to now and cries that are just whiney cries that you can let cry out. This was the “Come get me right now, I’m in pain!” cry. So, in I went. My little girl was inconsolable. Well, let me rephrase – she was inconsolable ANY time I tried to put her down. However, finally she did decide she was too weak to fight mommy and back to sleep she went. So, we all followed suit. But V had other plans. Around 12:30 am, she woke up screaming again, and this time, she wasn’t going down without a fight. Now, I don’t know what came over me, call it empathy for my sniffling child, call it weakness, call it just being so tired, I didn’t have the strength to put my foot down. And that’s when she broke me. I not only picked her up and cuddled her, I let her sleep in bed with us! On top of me! The whole night. So, I was hoping this was a one night occurance, but it’s been going on two nights now! In my defense, the girl is SICK. She’s got croup (I think, which is a whole other post) and being in Mommy’s arms is the only way she doesn’t cry. So, for two nights now, amid shooting back pains, V has enjoyed Mommy as her personal mattress. Hopefully she’ll feel better soon and we’ll go back to our normal sleeping patterns, but for now, the score’s in her favor.

Lay 'Em Down

This has been an especially trying year, and this song makes me feel at peace.

STATS Thus Far!

Here are Miss V's stats to date.  She's a growin' that's for sure.  It's so amazing to me how far she's come along in the last six months.  I remember looking at my lump o baby when she was first born not sure how it was possible that she would do anything other than scream, poop, eat, and sleep, not necessarily in that order.  And now, she's a little person with a fun personality and smiles galore.  She's getting up on her knees and really wanting to crawl and I think that's just around the corner.  So, without further ado, her stats to date are as follows:

But first - last picture of V in Mommy's tummy - 4 days before she arrived.

Birth  - Not sure about the %'s on this one.

Weight - 6 lbs, 12 oz

Height - 19 1/4 inches

2 Weeks

Weight - 7 lbs, 14 oz (girl ate a lot - among other things...) - 50%

Height - 20 1/2 inches - 75%

2 Months

Weight - 10 lbs, 10.5 oz - 50%

Height - 22 1/2 inches - 50%

4 Months

Weight - 13 lbs, 1 oz - 50%

Height - 24 1/4 inches - 50%

Her head circumference has also grown a ton, but I don't believe that's a very interesting statistic, so we'll let it lie.  But she's in the 50% percentile there too. 

So - what do these stats show?? I have a very "standard" child physically speaking.  We're coming up on our 6 months appointment within a few weeks and I'll post her updated stats when we have them.

Roll Over Beethoven and a Squirrel for Breakfast

Oh Miss V. Can’t wait to get going. Can’t wait to go places. V is now officially sitting up. She still does a few face plants once in a while, but my little girl has almost mastered her core strength and can stay seated for a good long time all by herself. Of course sitting isn’t enough for Miss “I want what I want and I want it now.” Once she falls over from her sitting position, she gets on all fours and tries to crawl. However, the crawling hasn’t been successful just yet, and after a few rocks back and forth on her knees, and realizing that nothing is getting accomplished, V does what she does best so far – she rolls. I can put this child down on one side of the living room and she will 360 degree roll her way over to the other side. Given that we have a very large and shedding dog as well as a very tiny, but equally as shedding cat, V performing her acrobatics doubles as a lint brush for our rug and carpet. Good for the rug, not so good for Miss V or Mommy’s sanity. So, I’m not sure how to keep this child from getting dog/cat hair in every orifice of her body. I have found dog hairs in places dog hair simply should not be. V has also been French kissed by M (the dog). Which leads me to another story and why V is officially off licking limits for M…

Oh Miss M. M likes to chase squirrels. M likes to chase and catch squirrels. M likes to chase and catch and kill squirrels. M isn’t partial to live squirrels or squirrels that already happen to be dead. Did I mention that M LOVES squirrels???

Yesterday morning, my husband let M out, like he usually does. It is COLD where we live now, so he went back inside and was waiting for her by the door to do her bizness. Fairly quickly, M comes to the door with a little somethin somethin in her mouth. Seeing that she’s not trained to get the paper and being that she’s no Einstein, my husband let her in the house to check out her loot. In strolls M and plops down a … are you ready for it…. Dead squirrel. Right smack dab in the middle of our entry way. I hear my husband shriek, “No M”. I scream from the other room, “What did she do?” He quickly answers, ‘Nothing.” Smart man. I would have FREAKED. So, my husband was left to pick up the said dead squirrel with PAPER TOWELS and get rid of it. Being a man, he didn’t think to automatically disinfect the floor on where the squirrel rested. And remember – we have a child who rolls everywhere. But, crisis was averted as we thoroughly disinfected once I was up and the story was relayed to me. So, this particular squirrel is now squirrel #4 for Miss M. She’s got a hard rep in our hood – she doesn’t mess around!

A Tailspin

My pregnancy was not planned. It was quite a surprise. As I sit here now looking at my almost 6 month old smiling back at me, a gamut of emotions runs through me. I love this little girl more than I ever thought I could ever love anyone. I would die for her - no questions asked. Her smile lights up my life and warms my heart. But I wasn't always a mom, and I still struggle daily with who I was - a strong independent woman, and who I've become, a mother. Now, I know the two can and do co-exist, but it is a tailspin and an identity crisis I could have never even begun to predict. This is what I want to this blog to be. A place for me to document my daughter's life, progress, development, highs and lows. And also a place for me to discuss how I'm dealing with it all.

I should mention that I didn't immediately have this overwhelming love for my daughter that I read and heard about. I knew she was my responsibility and I did what I was supposed to do. I took care of her. But the love in my heart didn't grow until she was probably about 2 months old. Call me selfish, but I have never loved unconditionally before. I guess I didn't know how and how selfless it was. I was hard for me emotionally to get nothing back from her after so many sleepless nights, hurt n*pples, emotional meltdowns, etc etc etc. She first smiled at me at exactly 1 month old, and that was the beginning of our love affair. By 2 months, I was hooked, and now my love for her grows daily.

So, join me on this journey of motherhood. It is an adventure like no other and I'm only at the beginning of it.

V and Mommy - Christmas 2009