A Tailspin

My pregnancy was not planned. It was quite a surprise. As I sit here now looking at my almost 6 month old smiling back at me, a gamut of emotions runs through me. I love this little girl more than I ever thought I could ever love anyone. I would die for her - no questions asked. Her smile lights up my life and warms my heart. But I wasn't always a mom, and I still struggle daily with who I was - a strong independent woman, and who I've become, a mother. Now, I know the two can and do co-exist, but it is a tailspin and an identity crisis I could have never even begun to predict. This is what I want to this blog to be. A place for me to document my daughter's life, progress, development, highs and lows. And also a place for me to discuss how I'm dealing with it all.

I should mention that I didn't immediately have this overwhelming love for my daughter that I read and heard about. I knew she was my responsibility and I did what I was supposed to do. I took care of her. But the love in my heart didn't grow until she was probably about 2 months old. Call me selfish, but I have never loved unconditionally before. I guess I didn't know how and how selfless it was. I was hard for me emotionally to get nothing back from her after so many sleepless nights, hurt n*pples, emotional meltdowns, etc etc etc. She first smiled at me at exactly 1 month old, and that was the beginning of our love affair. By 2 months, I was hooked, and now my love for her grows daily.

So, join me on this journey of motherhood. It is an adventure like no other and I'm only at the beginning of it.

V and Mommy - Christmas 2009